Since the last session, I have entered uncharted waters. The first half century of my life was a mixture of joy, tension, desire, loneliness, fear and happiness. Sounds like a normal human life, right? Agreed. For the most part, it was a rather uneventful existence as far as lives go. Rather boring to most, certainly not book or film making worthy (unless someone wants a sleep aid) and really quite forgettable to the general population. But, to me, I am not said general population. I am Seumas Dòmhnal Ross and feel I can be rather proud of myself , especially the last eight years.
What would my parents think of me at the 50 yr mark? Well, my mother is, thankfully, doing great and lives on her own. She is proud of me for keeping a positive outlook and not getting into trouble as well as making something out of myself. To a degree. I’m a published author and poet as well as a musician and autodidact in many things. No, I don’t have a Masters degree in (insert subject or discipline here) nor am I a millionaire nor even a middle class income earner. But you know what: I’m HAPPY!! 🙂
And isn’t that really what we all want to attain? Growing up, the aim was always instilled in us to go to college, get a high paying job, have a family and retire. Well, ok, maybe not how I was taught or what I was expected to do. It was hoped I would be be pioneer and minister in the faith and to spend my life in God’s service. Sure, that might be good for some, but it was NOT what I wanted. Alas, I never was able to attend college except for some individual classes and lessons in music. That was all I could do as the pressure to conform and remain “separate from this world” was too great. And I did just that…for almost 35 years.
When I left in 2008, it was a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders, hell, my entire body. In the past 25 sessions I’ve written about all the challenging times and experiences that have brought me to this point, so no need to air that laundry again.
I know what my mother thinks of where I am and she is a wonderful and supportive parent. But what about my father. Well, I do believe he has witnessed (pardon the pun)
my transition to the new and, I feel, much improved model of his son. What would he think of the changes? I think he would be proud and most happy that I, his son, am HAPPY. When he left this earth, it was not in the best of health nor was he at total peace of mind as he had been dealing with many issues. Still, he weathered them and the fact that his eldest son had weathered storms and made it through, a better man…that speaks volumes to me and hopefully him.
So, to my parents, both of them, I love you and thank you for all the things you’ve done for me. For raising me, being there and for showing love, right till this day of writing. Yes, I’m glad I made you proud of me for the most part, and wish that to always continue. While some of my personal and private thoughts, philosophies and actions might not be the ones you would have liked nor approved of, it is my life and you’ve both respected that. That alone means so much to me. Thank you! ❤ ❤ ❤