The past is something we are supposed to learn from and not cling to. Something we can look back on with a keen sense of intelligence and understanding, not as being so close we can still sense and feel it. Of course, this is not always the case. For myself, it does creep back into my life, usually a few times a week, perhaps more. So many issues and experiences of my past jump back in and out that it’s getting easier to simply block them before they affect me or persuade to dwell on them long enough to change my brain patterns. That’s when I end up overthinking things and it gets me in trouble emotionally, playing mind games that can really challenge me. It’s said that “time heals all wounds” , though I disagree partly with that. It simply scars over some of them and when they open up again it hurts the same nonetheless.
Well, where I sometimes have some issues with this is in my attachment to those I love. Many terms come to mind when this happens and the dictionary is flooded with them, such as “clingy”, “attachment”, “emotional” and “overly affectionate”. For some reason women are labelled with this more than men (that’s not fair nor accurate) but truth is that men are just as able and prone to this as well. This is where I stand up, raise my hand and admit it to all: I can be clingy, emotional, attached and overly affectionate. Since I was a young fellow in my teens I’ve been like this, some days worse than others. And usually I’m not so bad that it makes others cringe and run away, though it DID cause some in the past ( and present) to wonder why and wish I would simply stop. That is MUCH easier said than done and it’s a struggle for me now and then to reign in these things and be more “normal” than this. Still, I do indeed work on it and try my best to be less persistent in these areas, catching myself when it is happening and to back off. There is nothing worse than chasing someone away or harming a friendship/relationship with behaviour others dislike. What does help though is reading up on it, getting help and researching into the why’s and solutions to this. This blog is part of my therapy and does help me very much.
For many years I have asked myself why I’m like this and what I can do to stop being so attentive, emotional and overly affectionate. Lack of love? Not really. Maybe fear of loneliness? Could be. No matter what the reason, it needs to be dealt with and in a way that is positive,uplifting and loving to most of all myself but most certainly those I love who have to endure my occasional bouts of such things. Ironically, I was once told by more than a few that it’s better to be overly affectionate and attentive than to have none of that at all, or very little. Fortunately, I’m lucky to be with people in my life who don’t rush to judgement on this or run away screaming that they can’t take it anymore ( some have in the past and this was most educational). And, fortunately, it doesn’t happen too often as I’ve been working on it now for the last eight years or so. The overused phrase ” work in progress” seems to apply here to me too. Not only do I work on the above mentioned words but also saying I’m Sorry way too often. Yes, this is also a task I have at the top of my to-do list.
But, you know something….
I’m trying. And I’m doing so with confidence and positive thinking.
This is what this blog is all about. Therapy in working on issues that I have within my life and how to resolve them. How to be a better man, a better friend and a better partner to those I love and hold dear. No, I most certainly do NOT want to chase anyone away nor to be “that guy” so many dislike and want to distance themselves from. Seriously, I don’t see myself as that kind of man. I do have some pride in myself, love myself and know I’m loved by others. This is what keeps me going strong, every day, every moment. That doesn’t mean every single minute is going to be fabulous and devoid of negativity. Even the most positive of people have negative thoughts and bad days. Personally, these are the type of person I want more in my life. Those who are positive, honest, loyal, loving, kind and yet still human enough to admit things when needed. The alpha-male nonsense that seems to be popular never holds true in my thoughts. Not everyone can be the alpha male. And those who are not are still loved and lead happy lives. This is where I am now.
So, after all of this typing and the letters above are down for posterity, what does it mean to this guy? What it means is that I will try hard to not complain, to be positive, to not be so blasted clingy, emotional, chatty, overly affectionate, touchy-feely and so close. Sure, these are parts of who I am. But I CAN tone them down and learn from my mistakes as well as who is open to it,who is not. This imperfection is not going away so best to learn, progress and move on. While I do this, I will misstep now and then. And when I do, I look forward to where I am going and not to where I have been except to learn. Those who help me in this know who they are. I value and treasure them so much and thank them for all they do and are. 🙂